Busy Life vs Writing Machine


Writing
Writing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are times when I wonder if I’m truly cut out to be a writer.

Those days are when I get to the end of it and realized that I haven’t written a single word.  No editing, no brainstorming, not even a sentence that didn’t revolve around a Facebook post or to business.

I wonder because, according to every reputable source that I’ve read (which is a fair bit) and to fellow writers as well, that you have to write daily …. if you want to be a great writer that is.

When I get too many days with these thoughts I suddenly pull up short to ask myself, “These people, do they raise two children, run a household, and run a business as well?  Are they struggling to get their Freelance business off the ground while they are churning out 1000 words a day?”

Probably not.

Oh, then I get this piece of wonderful advice stuck in my head:  It doesn’t matter what you write, just that you write.

Sadly, the answer to this is that if I’m going to write, it’s not going to be crap.  I have to make it count because I don’t have the drive or the time to write on a daily basis…

Around this point I suddenly become dizzy because my brain points out the other key word:  drive.  When that hits, I ask myself, am I really a writer?

It’s a big question, an important one.  I’d like to say that once I get the first book published that I can safely stop trying to  push my struggling business into something that provides some additional income to dedicate myself to being a writing machine….  Then I sigh and try to remember what got me started on this train wreck of a thought process in the first place.

Here’s my thought on the good day:  I’m a writer.  Not because I’ve been published, or because I write every damn day…which I wish I could…, no, these aren’t the reason I’m a writer.  I’m a writer because when all those creative juices that I use for Graphic and Web Design are zapped out, I turn to my computer to write.  When this happens I’ll go a week or two of writing 1000+ words a day.  In short, the writing machine I want to be.  It pours out of me and it’s not crap…it’s not perfect, but it’s not crap either.  I feel accomplished and set.  When I can chase the kids and husband out of the house for a few hours (can’t just be one, has to be at least 3 I’ve found out) then my natural inclination is not to clean or watch TV, but to write.  To pump it out and accomplish what gives me the thrill, the rush.  That’s when I know, without a doubt, that I’m truly a writer.

And I’ll admit it, even vocally if anyone would like, that while I enjoy my design work, and enjoy wrangling with code until I’m drop dead tired with the inability to think clearly, the only time I get a rush from it is when I’ve conquered that one stubborn bit.  It lives for about 30 minutes to, I think the longest has been 2 hours, then it fades away like the dew in the early morning.

Writing, on the other hand, well, that rush stays with me the whole time I’m writing, especially the new stuff.

The culmination of this ramble revolves around this particular idea:  It’s nice to imagine a life where you have the time, energy, and peace needed to pump out a certain amount of words every day, but reality must always take precedence.  Bills have to be paid, kids have to be fed and clothed, and sleep is surprisingly important to the thinking process….seriously, I’m not joking.

 

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