I’m all about balance in my life. It took me a long while to find it and I didn’t really feel as if I had achieved it until three years ago. Until then I usually felt as if I was pendulum swinging out of control as I tipped between artist and writer, mother and wife, housekeeper and working from home, among other titles that I zipped through. It was a tipsy turvy kind of living that often left me exhausted with no idea of why I was that way.
I would like to say that I found balance through some type of personal action, but the truth is, I didn’t. In a way, a good way, it was forced on me. Someone intervened in such a way that they literally took me by the scruff of the neck, shook me, and screamed “Wake up! If you keep this up you’re going to self-destruct!” The memory of that intervention is still fresh with me despite the years that have passed since then.
I can’t say that I had it down perfect to the point that I felt as if I was living within a balanced Nirvana because I didn’t…I don’t. But I do know what it feels like for the perfect days so that I can say “Yep, today I found the balance” and actually have it last for several days. There have been times that it even lasted for weeks close to months.
But, like nature, life changes. Sometimes it’s slight like the difference between spring to summer or significant like winter to summer. Right now, I’m in that significant change that requires me to find a new balance. Instead of trying to shift from one day to the next the responsibilities so that I have a balance between those roles, I have to find the balance between work and home, writing and art, mother and wife. I have to, somehow, figure out how to get all the cleaning, the cooking, plus the job, the appointments for healthcare while still squeezing in my religious studies and my personal projects (i.e. stories).
It’s different, it’s caused my world to shift, and I find myself struggling to get into a groove and to find balance once again. Hopefully, this time, I don’t need someone to grab me by the scruff of the neck …