Fighting the Groove


English: penulis = writer
English: penulis = writer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been talking about my new philosophy in relation to my writing.  A little at a time goes a long way.  So far, I’m finding it to be true.  I don’t write quite as much as I thought I would, but when I do managed it.  Whoo hoo!!!!

Yesterday, however, I came to realize the hardest part of this new approach.  I was on my lunch break, I took care of the dogs, my husband and I had a conversation then he went back to work.  I sat down at the computer and started working on Surrender.  Did a fast read through to solidify it in my mind then started writing….

I was almost late getting back to work.

*Sigh*  When I’m in that groove, the story line is rocking, the main character Natasha is talking, stopping is akin to agony.  I have to drag myself, literally, back to work fighting my depression and the urge to call in sick because I try to rationalize that if I was to have an hour more, maybe two, I could finish the first draft and move onto the second.  I am on a time limit you know.  I want to submit this story into a contest at Writer’s Digest.  I have to finish it first, which I can’t do unless I write.

Incidentally, now that I think about it, I’m on the second draft.  My first draft is inspiring my second, but I’ve decided to add a more visceral feel to Natasha’s last moments.

It plagues me, this constant desire to write.  Turning it off so I can work and design a graphic or a web page for my boss is like trying to race an iceberg hoping it would melt before you hit it….  I understand the word plague gives it a negative light, but sometimes it feels like I’m fighting two sides of myself.  The responsible side that says having a job is the right thing at the moment for a number of reasons against the creative. selfish side that throws a tantrum saying, “I wanna write!  I’ve been waiting 8 years for the chance of having several hours of uninterrupted writing time without kids or husband clamoring for my attention.  I want it!  I want it!”

It’s true, that’s what I want, deep in my soul.  As the title of my blog mentions, I have to write or I’ll go insane.  Literally.

So I’m trying to find the easy medium between my conflicting sides with the hope that soon I’ll get what I want, I know that because every major aspect of my life has always come not when I wanted it, but when I was in the right place for it.

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