A few days…


I've had a migraine/headache for 6 days straig...

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted.  I wish I could say it was because I was busy at the grind stone, turning out pages by the droves.  I wish I could say it was because I was in talks with an agent, hell, I’d be happy to say it was because I was too busy climbing a mountain….

But I can’t say any of those things.

No, I was brought low by something more insidious.  Something so vile that I was forced to remain still in the darkness until it passed.  What made it worse than usual was the frequency of it.  Normally it happens once, maybe twice, a month, but last week it happened three times in a row.

hate when that happens!

Now that it is gone (I hope), I find the urge to write to be as strong as it usually is in the aftermath of my migraines.  You see, I’ve dealt with migraines since I was 13 though I didn’t know that was the name for it until I was 19.  During that period I began writing stories and found the act of writing to be my saving grace.

In my writing, all my emotions come out.  My sadness, my pain, my happiness, my anger.  All of it flows into my writing and it’s therapy.  Or, at least, that was what a professional once told me.  My road to getting to where I am today hasn’t been easy.  The bumps I’ve dealt with have come in all shapes and sizes, ranging from horrific to mildly annoying.  The fact that I’m as well-adjusted (relatively speaking) as I am today is because I write.

Since last weekend, when I wasn’t in pain, I was reading the internet looking for a critique group, learning more about how to network as a writer.  A constant question that kept coming up was:  “What are your goals?  Why do you write?”  In the past, the questions was easier to answer.  I’m sure there is a blog post in the archives that talks about it.  Due to the migraines last week, I find myself wanting to better define the answers.

So far, this is what I have:

What are your goals?

My goal is to create stories that capture imagination and take the reader along with the characters to feel for and with them.  To craft a grand adventure that lets the reader, even if it is for a moment, to forget about the troubles in their life.  For me, when I read, I use it as a sign post to say “See, you’re life isn’t so bad.  At least you don’t have crazed fanatics trying to kill you because they don’t want you to find Noah’s Ark” (The Ark by Boyd Morrison).  I want to do the same for others, to return the favor.

Why do you write?

I write because I don’t know how else to express the emotions and impressions inside me.  It’s true, though most have teased me a little when they find out, I can’t verbally express my emotions to others unless pressed into it.  It seems like it should be easy, but the truth is this:  I never learned the right way to do it.  I could tote out all the reasons why I was never taught this valuable skill, but in the end they don’t matter.  I’m simply not comfortable telling someone why I am angry, upset, hurt, or even why I am happy.  But I can have my characters say it for me.

When I was 19, my mentor and I were talking about my writing.  From his point of view, he was concerned that I was too busy trying to live a double life.  On one hand I was a military member working in the Environmental Field of our career, on the other I’m a writer.  He felt that if I continued to split my focus I wouldn’t be able to be great at either one of them.  During that conversation I told him that I pour all my emotions into what I write.  His answer was a concern that I’d burn out too fast, that I have to keep some for myself.

I did try his suggestion, to keep some for myself, but I found over the years that my family suffers because of it.  I become moody, cranky, irritable… a monster so to speak and no amount of chocolate or coffee can fix it.  Writing, on the other hand, does.

So I write, and write, and write.  In this rare moment of cold honesty I’ll admit that while getting published will be fantastic and it is something I want, it’s not what drives me forward.  If I had learned last weekend that my writing wasn’t good enough to have a shot at being published, I’d be okay about it.  Disappointed, but when that faded I would have shrugged and moved on, keeping my writing to myself.  The fact that it didn’t happen that way will keep pushing me forward.  Even after I get published, I’ll still write more and more.  Why?

Because I have to.

——

Question of the day:  Why do you write?

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5 thoughts on “A few days…

  1. Wow, pretty cool. I honestly couldn’t put it any better, but I can answer you in my own words.
    I write because it allows a part of me to live that is normally not allowed. I get to live a life outside my own, doing all the things I would want to do with the outcomes I would want with no regard for reality. Honestly, I get rush from it. When I have a moment of what feels like “creative genius” (at least to me), I feel such a euphoria I want to explode.
    Like you I want to bring my readers to a place of raw emotion, so my raw emotion is in what I write. I also would very much like to be published, but, it is not necessary for my happiness. The joy is in the writing itself, although there is a certain pleasure in knowing others have also enjoyed what I have written.
    Thanks for your words- I find you intriguing.

    • It is comforting to find that other people write not for fame or recognition as their primary focus as well. I have met my share of people who do and to be honest it feels like we are on opposite sides of a divide. They are talented people and yet their emotional investment doesn’t seem to compare. I don’t know why that is, but it works for them.

      I was reading a blog about someone who has decided to stop for reasons that make sense and that I can relate to, I just can’t imagine doing the same, I would still write for the reasons I mentioned. I am curious if he will be the same way.

      Thank you so much for reading and responding, I appreciate it. I am curious on how I intrigue though 🙂

  2. Thank you for including my post “Interview With A Young Aspiring Writer”, I really appreciate it!
    I can really relate to this post. I don’t suffer from constant migraines but I suffer from chronic neck, back and leg pain along with a constant headache. I know how it is when pain gets in the way of writing sometimes.
    Take care!

    • Thank you for reading and responding. I read your interview with your niece and found that it reminded me of when I was her age. I wish her the best of luck!

      Out of curiosity, what about you? Why do you write?

      • I will relay the kind words to her, thank you!
        I enjoy writing because my imagination can be expressed onto paper. That is why I enjoy writing fantasy/sci-fi. I agree with what my niece said about not having to follow certain rules when writing fantasy, one can make up worlds and beings. It is almost a stress reliever for me. I love writing and have since I was young.

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