Creating Boundaries


The title feels more like a catch phrase than anything else doesn’t it?

Dun-Dun, I’m Super MOM, creating boundaries in a single bounce!

Yeah, a corny super hero movie huh? Sometimes I feel like that’s what my life is, a badly written comic where the arch-villain is the rigors of life. Who in the hell would buy that or even start a fandom for it?

Not I, said the White Rabbit.

Yet, boundaries is necessary for living. I think it’s safe to say that everyone has at one time or another does/needs to establish these precarious and often invisible lines to define our lives. The longer phrase for this is to determine what we’re willing to accept and what we’re not.

Rubber band (Elastic). Deutsch: Gummibänder
Rubber band (Elastic). Deutsch: Gummibänder (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most of the time these boundaries require very little thought until the time comes to remind us we created them. Other times, we get taken to the point of that boundary and suddenly we’re snapped in the face as if it’s a really – really big rubber band. *Thwack!*

That’s what happened to me and my face is still smarting from it – my neck is a bit sore from the whiplash too I think. It might explain that pressure I’ve had behind my right eye as late.

Anyway, I have realized that a smack to the face is the point where we either learn from it or you’re likely to keep spiraling down. I’d like to say that I’ve learned my lesson.

The lesson is, and will probably always remain, that saying and being willing to do anything you can to help and protect your children does not mean you have to sacrifice your self-respect. It does not mean that you have to put up with ill-mannered people and it does not mean accepting being treated with disrespect and general rudeness.

Now, I’m pretty easy-going and as my parents divorced when I was  younger, I’m aware of the pressures and difficulties of being the kid in that situation. Because of both facts I was willing to bend over backwards to accommodate. Despite my best efforts, I kept getting smacked upside the head with it.

Then last week the rubber band snapped and I’ve realized I’ve had enough. What’s the saying? “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”? What should the saying be when you’ve been fooled several dozen times? I’m thinking “Fool me several dozen, and I’m the fool.”

That’s me, the fool with best intentions.

English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d...
English: Albert Einstein Français : portrait d’Albert Einstein (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Albert Einstein is attributed to saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. At the end of this long cycle of mine I realize it’s a true statement. For the last year and three months I’ve been insane…

I mean more insane that I typically am. I believe that we all should be a bit insane just to get through life. It makes it more fun, in my opinion, but maybe that’s just me.

Because of these two factors, I kept hoping for a different result when clearly that’s not going to happen. I think the reason I did it was due to wishful thinking. I kept hoping that if I keep trying, the effort would be reciprocated.

In thinking about this from a (somewhat) objective point-of-view, I believe my reasons was because I didn’t want to accept the truth. The truth that my ex-husband is not who I thought he was. What really shocked me is that we were married for 13 years and I didn’t see it.

However, I’m done doing the blame game with myself.

Instead I’m going to focus on moving forward as opposed to staying where I am (yes, I’m going to admit that I’m still standing in place – this blog is some of my first steps forward). To do that, I’ve started trying to identify what I will and will not accept. Here’s my list so far:

1. I will accept that I am a strong person, that I have and will survive whatever is thrown at me with both dignity and grace.

2. I will not accept being treated with disrespect. I’m a single mom and I’ve gone through too much in my life to allow that to happen.

3. I will accept that I am not responsible for the actions of others (or one person specifically) and therefore remain blameless for the consequences of those actions.

4. I will not accept any attempt to demean, destroy, or control how I feel about myself through the view point of others as being a truth.

5. I do accept that I’m worthy of true love, true family, and true friends…

Ok, the last one is more like an affirmation than a boundary/rule, but it needs to be said. These statements, these truths, should not just be for me but I think for everyone. At least they should be. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we accept respect from others? Being civil and polite, that I can do, but I will not condone or accept anything less than the respect I deserve.

Whether he likes it or not!

Herein ends my rant…

—–

What are some boundaries you’ve set for yourself that you will not, or will not let others, cross? 

Do you think there are any specifically I should adopt that would be good for me?

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